Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Bennett awoke early - like 5:45am.  I was up, too - perusing bulletin boards on Pinterest.  Harper was up by 6:30am, but pretending to sleep because she didn't want to go to Kidstop... Ahhhhh - here we go.  So, we got up and had breakfast and brushed our teeth and dressed. I was not about to battle with the wardrobe choice.  Harps picked out her purple sequence skirt, and an orange and yellow striped halter top.  However, she was aware that there was a slight chill in the air, so just to be safe, she donned polka dot leggings, and a gold cardigan.  The outfit was completed with white ruffled socks and her purple Puma sneakers.  This took process took about 25 minutes.

*aside note - Bennett was dressed in athletic shorts and a graphic T before he even came up the stairs at 5:45am.

We made lunch together, put in a pony tail and curls.  The kids were ready to go - and in the car they both declared they were excited about the day.

Then, we pulled in the parking lot - and the big tears began...  We walked in together, holding one hand of each Prose child.  After dropping off the lunches, we entered the playzone of Kidstop, and Harper clung to my neck and cried "Please don't leave me, Mama.  Please. No, Mama."  I unclasped her arms, gave a pleading look to the nearest counselor, and left her standing by her brother - both with tears.  It literally hurt my heart - so I put on my aviator to hide my own tears and walked out the door.

This was probably a ridiculous scene - as I was that mom crying as she left her kids at daycare.  I KNOW they will be fine, and I know Harper will have fun, and that she needs to do this prior to kinder - and I also know that I was the one who needed to do this.  Andy's big fat heart would have swooped up that little girl and brought her home.  If Bennett had access to any sort of wheels, he would have done the exact same.  These are all things that I know. But, it still hurt my heart.

I've been told that I can be hard on my kids, and I can be.  I am definitely the disciplinarian, the bad-cop, and rule enforcer, and time-out putter.  I correct their grammar, and only listen when manners are used.  But, to see Bennett's tears as he looked at me like "It's ok, Mom. I got this." and Harper's tears  knowing that she is thinking "She's not really coming back for me."  hurts my heart, and what I really wanted to do was to scoop them both up, get out our blankies and crawl under the covers of the big bed.  But, I didn't - because doing what is right isn't always what is easy - and I have to go to work today.

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