This photo exudes so many emotions. It was taken as we waited to be admitted to prepare for surgery. We talked about coffee, the weather, told stories about the other people and did our best to pretend like we were not scared shitless. 

Dr. Kendrick came in after all the usual pre-op business had been complete. He said he was ready, and knew I was was, too. He said he was uncertain about how long the surgery would take. If all went well, it would take 6-7 hours. If there were complications, it could take longer. And, if they went in and found cancer everywhere, they would close me back up and it would be done within an hour.

I held my tears, as I told Andy I loved him, and reminded him to keep my family and T updated. I held my tears, as they wheeled the bed down the all.  As we turned the first corner, the tears fell. Upon entering the OR, a nurse wiped them away, promised they would take really good care of me, and held my hand. She held my hand and complemented my nails, and told me I had beautiful eyes, and made jokes about her colleagues. She held my hand and said I was in the best care and to take deep breaths. She held my hand as I feel asleep. And, when I woke up the first thing I did was ask what time it was.

It was after 4pm (I think?). It definitely was not within the hour.

Andy held me and said, "They got it. They got it all." Then, I saw T, and the tears came again.

Birthdays (along with so many other things) hit different after a cancer diagnosis. My little family celebrated me on the night before my birthday, knowing that tomorrow we head to Mayo for surgery. You know we thrive in tradition, and after dinner, there was cheesecake and singing and gifts and a picture. There are no words to describe how the simplicity of this evening was exactly what I needed before leaving. One of the most challenging parts of this has been waiting for surgery, and being home tonight fills my heart. Happy birthday to me. I love you all so much.